Love in a Single Direction? How to recognize the imbalance in your relationship
- Bianca Trommer
- Sep 22, 2024
- 9 min read
Love thrives on reciprocity. But what if you keep feeling like you're on a one-way street? A relationship in which only you give and invest can leave you empty and exhausted inside. But how do you recognize that, what does it do to you, and how can you find a way out of this dynamic?
1. You give your heart – and still feel emptiness: The constant giver in the relationship
You love your partner with all your heart, give everything you can, and yet you still feel a deep inner emptiness. You ask yourself whether this relationship is really the one you always dreamed of, or whether it was just a romantic idea. Does a perfect relationship even exist? Or should you perhaps just be satisfied with what is there, even if you feel inside that something is missing?
You tell yourself to be grateful - after all, nobody is perfect. But there is still this quiet pain, this sadness. You lose yourself in thoughts about how it could be: a partner with whom you feel light and carefree, with whom you can really let go. A person who gives you new strength when everyday life demands you. Instead, the feeling creeps in that you are just passing each other by. The lightness has disappeared and what remains is routine - without excitement, without joy.
2. Warning signs in everyday life: When your efforts remain unrequited
Maybe you recognize yourself in these situations: You are the planner. You make suggestions for joint activities and take care of the organization, while your partner remains more passive. "Do what you want, I'm in" sounds friendly at first, but gradually leaves you with the feeling that you are solely responsible for the relationship. Emotional support is also often one-sided: You are there when your partner is having difficulties, you listen patiently, you offer comfort - but when you need someone yourself, there is little of this attention left.
Or communication is left to you. Loving messages? From you. Attention? From you. While your partner only responds sparsely. It feels like the relationship is weighing on your shoulders.
3. Deeper causes: Why you are always the giver
Often, the causes of such relationship imbalance lie deeper. Perhaps you learned in previous relationships, in your childhood, or even from your parents that you only deserve love if you give. This unconscious pattern can turn you into a constant giver in relationships, who only hopes to get the same in return at some point.
Example: As a child, Svenja was praised for how much she cared for others. Now, in her relationship, she automatically takes on all the tasks - without ever questioning whether she is getting as much attention as she is giving.
Sometimes it is simply a matter of the partner's emotional maturity. People who are used to having someone take care of them rarely question whether they are giving enough back.
4. What can you do? Clear steps out of love on a one-way street
It takes courage to admit that you are stuck in a relationship that is not on equal terms. But the first step to change is always awareness. Here are some approaches:
Self-reflection : Ask yourself honestly why you remain in this dynamic role of the giver. Do you believe you only deserve love if you sacrifice? Do you fear loneliness or rejection if you give less?
Communicate thoughtfully : Talking about your feelings can help clear up misunderstandings. Your partner may not even know how you feel. Speak calmly but firmly about the imbalance you feel and what you want. Make sure you communicate without making accusations - it's about being heard and understood.
Set clear boundaries : It is important not to lose yourself. You are allowed to say "no". You are allowed to stand up for yourself and express your needs. If you notice that you are giving more and more without getting anything in return, it is time to create a balance.
5. Self-love: When giving only takes away your strength
Even after honest conversations and clear boundaries, nothing may change. The decision is yours: are you ready to continue in this role, or is it time to do something for yourself? Sometimes true love also means letting go and putting yourself first.
The story of Clara: The way out of exhaustion
Clara had been married to her husband Thomas for 15 years. They had two children together, whom she loved more than anything. The first years of their relationship had been harmonious - they shared dreams, laughed a lot and built their lives together. Clara had always believed that a strong, loving relationship was the foundation of a happy family. But over time, the image she had of her marriage began to change.
Clara worked part-time to help contribute to the household income, but most of her energy went into what she did at home. She took care of everything: the kids, the housework, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, organizing social events, and even the family's friendships. Each day felt like a never-ending cycle of tasks, with her always last in line. While she did all of this, Thomas relied on her to keep everything under control. He worked full-time and was often exhausted by the time he got home. The couch became his sanctuary, and while he sat there, Clara took on the role of the family's all-around manager.
At first, Clara thought this was normal. She had always believed that it was her job to organize everything so that her family could function. But as time went on, she began to feel how much she was losing herself in the process. She was tired, emotionally drained and felt alone. The tenderness they had exchanged before faded. She no longer had the energy to make the first move and Thomas didn't even notice. Every time she brought up the subject, he replied: "I earn the money, that's enough. I need time for myself."
Clara felt trapped in a spiral of frustration and emptiness. The conflicts became more frequent and she could feel the helplessness within herself, which was growing ever greater. She loved Thomas, but she increasingly wondered where she herself had become in this relationship. Her former joy in life had given way to a feeling of exhaustion and unhappiness. Every time she tried to talk to Thomas about her feelings, her words bounced off him. For him, everything was fine - she organized the home and he earned the money.
But Clara could not bear this emptiness any longer. She felt that she had to change something before she lost herself completely. A key moment came one evening when she was sitting alone on the terrace. The children were in bed and the house was quiet. For the first time in a long time, she allowed herself to really listen to herself. Tears ran down her cheeks as she embraced the silence and admitted to herself how much she longed for a change. She realized that she had forgotten who she was - an independent, strong woman who was not only a mother and wife, but also a woman with her own dreams and needs.
From that moment on, Clara began to take small steps. She started doing things she enjoyed again - yoga, walking in nature, meeting up with friends she had neglected for a long time. She realized that she needed to recharge her own energy before she could help others. She also began to set boundaries. In discussions with Thomas, she remained calm but firm and asked for more support. It was difficult at first, but she knew she needed these changes for herself.
Clara also decided to see a therapist to process her feelings and gain clarity about how she wanted to move forward. The path was not easy, but over time she began to feel herself regaining her own power. She was no longer willing to just give without getting anything in return. She realized that it was important to find a new balance in her relationship - one that also took her needs into account.
Over time, not only Clara changed, but also the dynamic between her and Thomas. He began to understand that their relationship could only work if both of them contributed equally. Slowly, he began to take on more responsibility and appreciate her efforts. It was a long process, but Clara felt that she was on the right path - not only for her family, but above all for herself.
The story of Manfred: The pressure to do justice to everything
Manfred was a hard-working man. For many years he had been the backbone of his family, always trying to provide for them. His job wasn't what he had always dreamed of, but it paid good money. And that was the most important thing for Manfred: security and stability for his family. That's why he accepted overtime, struggled through long working days and always tried to deliver the best results in order to get recognition at work. He felt the constant pressure to perform - both at work and at home.
But exhaustion was his constant companion. Every evening when he came home he felt like a dead battery. The long hours in the office had worn him out and all he wanted was a little rest to shake off the day's experiences. But instead he was usually greeted with reproaches from his wife: "Why are you so late again? I always have to do everything on my own! You're never there to help me!"
These words hit him hard. Not because they were unjustified, but because he felt that all his efforts remained invisible. All Manfred saw was him sacrificing himself day after day to provide for the family. He put his own dreams aside, worked in a job he didn't enjoy, and struggled through it all - and yet it never seemed to be enough.
With every accusation his wife made, Manfred withdrew a little more. He knew she was right. He was rarely at home, and when he was, he barely had the energy to look after the house or the children. But what could he do? His work was demanding, and he felt he was already giving it his all. He tried to organize his thoughts, but the constant pressure to please everyone weighed heavily on him. Instead of addressing the problems, Manfred began to build walls around himself.
In the evenings, when he came home, he just sat on the couch. He needed this place to retreat to, to leave the noise and expectations of the day behind him. The constant stream of TV helped him stop thinking about all the things that were bothering him. But the quieter he became, the more frustrated his wife became. She felt like she wasn't being heard, wasn't being seen. Manfred, on the other hand, just wanted peace. He was tired. Too tired to have any more discussions, too exhausted to fulfill any more expectations.
Tensions in the marriage grew. Arguments became more frequent and evenings often ended in escalations. Manfred just wanted a short break from everything - but instead of finding peace, he was confronted with more and more frustration and accusations. His wife kept telling him that she didn't feel understood. But Manfred felt that he wasn't understood either. He sacrificed everything for the family, worked in a job he hated just to be there for them. Why did no one seem to see that? He had given up his dreams so that his family could live in safety, and yet it was never enough.
Some days Manfred sat alone on the couch and thought about how things could have been different. He had had dreams, goals that he had pursued. But with the responsibility for his family, these were increasingly pushed into the background. He had chosen the well-being of his family, financial stability. But now he asked himself: Was this the right path? He felt burned out and empty, and it seemed as if no one really noticed his sacrifices.
One evening, after a particularly heated argument, Manfred withdrew into himself and began to think. He realized that he, like his wife, was at a dead end. Both were frustrated, both felt misunderstood. They fought in their own way to show the other that they were giving their all, but both forgot to take care of themselves.
Manfred decided to make a change. Not only for his family, but also for himself. He knew it was time to be open about his feelings - about how pressured he felt, how drained he was, and how little he felt his efforts were appreciated. But he also had to learn to understand his wife's perspective and not just focus on his own challenges.
Slowly, he began to focus not only on his job, but also on what mattered inside: his relationship with his family, his wife and himself. He looked for ways to relieve the pressure by talking to his wife and finding solutions together on how they could better share the load.
Do you feel, like Manfred or Clara, trapped in old patterns and expectations? Perhaps, without realizing it, you have developed deeply rooted beliefs that prevent you from living your life with ease and joy. These beliefs can unconsciously cause you to constantly overwhelm yourself, put others first and forget your own needs.
With RTT® (Rapid Transformational Therapy) you can uncover the roots of these old beliefs and eliminate them permanently. RTT® goes deep into your subconscious to find exactly the blockages that are holding you back. It is possible to resolve these negative patterns and replace them with new, positive beliefs that will strengthen you and allow you to live your life in a more fulfilling way.
Don't wait any longer to start the change you want. Book an RTT® session now and find out how you can leave old beliefs behind and start a new chapter in your life - full of self-confidence, energy and balance."
Conclusion: The power of balanced love
A relationship where love only flows in one direction can be emotionally draining. But you have the power to recognize and change this dynamic - whether it's through open conversations, setting boundaries, or making the brave decision to put yourself first. You deserve to be in a relationship that gives you as much as you are willing to give.
Blog: Love on a one-way street
#Self-esteem
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